Only in Iowa
So a parrot and a zebra go to the Doghouse, a bar in Dubuque. It
sounds like the beginning of a bad joke but it really happened. A few days ago a man was arrested for drunk driving and he had a live parrot and zebra in the front seat of his truck. He claimed he sometimes takes the animals into the bar but the bar owner denies this. People were posting dash-cam pictures from the police department on Facebook and I really thought it was a joke, and in a sense it is. 

It turns out the man raises zebra’s and even had one in the movie
Racing Stripes. That happens to be a great movie if you haven’t seen it. The zebra in the truck was 4-months old. The man claims he stepped out of the truck to let another person drive when the parrot began having a fit. That’s when he was arrested. He claims he will fight this tooth and nail but maybe beak and hoof would have been a more logical thing to say. 
 
What kind of nut-job drives around with a zebra and parrot in Iowa? Now a pig and a chicken might be deemed acceptable here but a zebra and a parrot are way over the top. 

http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/Zebra-Parrot-Found-in-Truck-During-Police-Stop-152634465.html

Fat Camp 
In Ashville, North Carolina, there is a program to help obese kids lose weight and regain control of their lives. The camp costs $50,000 per
year and is so strict that television is not allowed and the kids are only
allowed two ten minute calls home per week. The camp founders claim they are teaching a healthy obsession. 

That’s a lot of dough to fork out considering they feed the kids
a minimal amount of food and don’t have to pay for cable. But it appears that the camp is doing a good business and the kids interviewed have shown some great improvement. But I would like to see how well these kids do after camp. In the real world we have televisions and vending machines and Hostess Cupcakes and Nutella. Taking the food out of the environment might help while they are at
camp but what happens when they get home?

 http://gma.yahoo.com/video/health-26594251/obese-children-sent-away-to-lose-weight-29374883.html#crsl=%252Fvideo%252Fhealth-26594251%252Fobese-children-sent-away-to-lose-weight-29374883.html

Not Nice
Sometimes people just don’t think. A relative of mine recently
underwent brain surgery. He posted a picture of what the back of his head looks like on Facebook. Someone commented that his head looks like a Wooly Mammoth vagina. Shame on the person that posted that. Have a little compassion, and just be nice for crying out loud. 

1st day of summer vacation let the games begin! 
 


 

He Circled Yes
Today is the last day of school. (Big sigh) It’s bittersweet at best. I’m elated that I won’t have to rush around trying to get everyone ready
in the mornings but at the same time I’ll miss the peace and quiet. Today they brought home the first batch of their belongings. Tattered notebooks with only a few pages written on, tiny stubs of crayons, dried out markers and empty glue bottles. And piles and piles of completed assignments and art work. 
 
Today Will brought home the piece of paper posted above. His first proposal and he eagerly circled yes. I asked why he had the piece of
paper and not the girl. “She doesn’t want me to forget that I said yes so she told me to keep the paper as a reminder.” I should frame it. It’s very cute and just happens to be from the sweet little girl next door. 
 
Freaking Out
Today I was on Pintrest (only for a minute) and I saw some really
cute, sparkly toenails so I began reading some of the comments. The majority of the people said how cute the nails were but one person was obviously having a bad day. She wrote: 

Oh no! The horror of a non-cute toe! What will our children
think? They might grow up to expect that some people look differently than them and that it’s okay for that to happen!?!?!? THE
HORROR!

I’m not sure who pissed in her Wheaties but man was that really
necessary and what is it supposed to mean? Why can’t her kids have cute toe nails when they grow up? I stalked her “pins” to see what things she liked (cause that’s just the kind of person I am) and she had a lot of skeleton things, tattoo’s, a picture of a dead body in a blood filled bathtub and a picture of Pee Wee Herman with a pirate hat on. Sparkly nails definitely are not for her. People like her were put on this earth for one reason: to become book characters. Even the best writers can’t make up good crazy people like her. 
 
Get out there and enjoy this beautiful day! 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Baby Daddy 
A 33 year old man from Knoxville, Tennessee hit the news this week as he asked for a break in child support, the man has 30 children with 11
different women. The man works a minimum wage job and half of what he earns goes to child support. The poor guy is having problems making ends meet, what a shame. I don’t understand why he’s working at all. Wouldn’t it be easier to just go on welfare? Now we all know what a dirt-bag this guy is so that doesn’t need explaining. But what does need explaining is the women he fathered the children with. 

It takes two to tango and most women understand that if you don’t
use birth control you run the risk of getting pregnant. This leads me to believe that these women wanted to get pregnant even though they knew he was a dirt bag. What an awful shame for the children involved. Sure the mother’s get child support (very little in this situation) and probably welfare too but who’s to say they spend the money wisely or spend it on the children at all? 
 
All parties involved should be punished in my opinion unless they
can come up with a good explanation of why they felt it necessary to further populate this world with kids that they couldn’t take care of. No laws were broken but still, was a shame that they can play with lives this way. The mothers faces should be posted online too so that the rest of the men in the world can see them and know to stay far away from them, unless of course they want to be a baby daddy. 

This guy make Octomom look like a Saint. 
 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/desmond-hatchett-30-kids_n_1528850.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing7%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D162381

My Day 
Today we went fishing again to our “secret spot” and again had a
wonderful time and caught a boat load of fish. The scary man with the cooler showed up and watched us for a while. He saw a fish head floating in the water and pointed and began yelling, “why, why, why?!” Mac tripped over a stick and skinned up her hand and both knee’s. That’s when the fishing trip was over. We came home, patched up the wounds and had steaks for lunch. Now I’m watching the NASCAR race waiting for Danica Patrick to spin out. Oh what a wonderful world. 
 
Have an amazing day! 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Hotdog’s 
Yesterday we had chili dogs for supper, or at least some of us did. The kids had finished eating and my husband was on his way home from work so I was getting his supper ready. I left the kitchen for a few seconds and returned to find the hotdogs gone. I asked the children if they ate them but they said no. I then thought that maybe it was the cats as they do not like their diet too well. But no, they wern't fast enough. And then it hit me, it was our dog Charlie. Usually he’s very well behaved and we rarely have issues like that with him but from the look on his face it definitely was him. I scolded him good and told him to leave my kitchen that I didn’t want to see his face. 

The kids were not happy and told me I was mean. They went in the
other room and lay on the floor by him and told him that everything would be okay. I then scolded them for comforting him when he was in a time out. They said I was being way too rough on him. In the car on the way to ball practice they made up a song about me: There was a mommy had a dog and mean was her name-o, m-e-a-n, m-e-a-n, m-e-a-n and mean was her name-o. I can’t win. 

Dog’s at the Park 
While we are on the subject of dogs, I noticed in the paper this morning that people in Dubuque are trying to get the city to allow dogs in the
city parks. This is a no-brainer for me, absolutely not. I realize that are many people that take wonderful care of their pets and they go through great lengths to train them properly and they always clean up after them. However once again, there are rule-breakers that ruin this type of thing for everyone. SOME people won’t clean up after their dogs and they won’t keep them on leashes and they will allow them to run and bark and cause all kinds of issues. 
 
I don’t know about you but I think the Dubuque police department
has their hands full as it is and I would hate for them to have to respond to calls at parks on dog issues. There is no pooch-patrol to monitor the activity of dog owners and left unchecked I believe this policy would be a disaster. 
 
Other than that I am not a fan of having Pit Bull’s in public situations. I realize this breed has gotten a bad rap and that there are many nice, loving Pit Bull dogs out there but still….when you read in the paper about a dog attacking and killing others, especially children, it’s Pit Bull’s. Once again it’s the owners who have done this with breeding them for dog fighting and it’s not the dog’s fault. 

My solution to this issue would be this: People who take their dogs to obedience classes and can prove their dog is licensed and is safe in an
environment with other people and dogs should be given a permit. The permit would have a number on it and when the dog is taken to a public park the number should be visible. That way if the owner is not cleaning up after the pet or the pet is running loose others could write down the number and turn them in. You’re welcome Dubuque, now put this policy in place. 
 
Have a spectacular day! 


 

There’s a guy in the news, Bill Wisth, and he frequents a restaurant called Chuck’s place. Last Friday he attended an all-you-can-eat
fish fry at the restaurant but was denied more fish after eating 12 pieces.
After hearing his complaints restaurant workers finally gave in and gave him 8 more pieces to go but that wasn’t good enough. Mr. Wisth claims its false advertising and has begun picketing the establishment. His goal is to get the restaurant to give him all he can eat. Mr. Wisth stands 6’ 6” and weighs 350 pounds. 

So what’s your take on this? I think Mr.Wisth is correct, it is false advertising but at the same time he should be ashamed of himself.
Unfortunately I believe we are going to live to see the day where
all-you-can-eat restaurants are a thing of the past and we will be able to thank Mr. Wisth and all the other people out there who think the world owes them more than their fair share. It’s gluttony at its finest. 
 
Why don’t people know when to say when? Bartenders are allowed to
stop serving people when they’ve had too much to drink, why can’t restaurants do the same with food? I realize there are some people in the world with medical conditions such as Prader-Willi Syndrome but this isn’t about people with medical conditions, it’s about average American people who are too big for their britches so to speak. It’s an embarrassment and I feel sorry for the restaurants in these situations. 

People bitch about wanting equality for obese people, how is that even remotely possible? Why should people who eat an average amount of food pay exuberant prices at all-you-can-eat establishments so that the larger than normal crowd can eat a shit-ton of food? It’s not fair and it’s not right. But because some people have no values anymore, they continue to travel down this slippery slope yelling discrimination every chance they get. And the people that speak out against this behavior get condemned for not being understanding or for being discriminatory. 

Its bullshit in my opinion and that’s just a little food for thought. (With a cherry on top.) 

Special thanks to Uncle Randy for proving the topic for today. 
 
Have a wonderful day passengers.











http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/15/bill-wisth-protests-all-you-can-eat-fish-fry-wisconsin_n_1517908.html


 

There’s a debate that’s been going on at my house lately regarding the music that my daughter is listening to. She’s mostly a country girl who likes her Taylor Swift and The Band Perry however she does enjoy other music too. One of her favorite songs is Its 5:00 Somewhere by Alan Jackson, she knows all the words and sings it publicly on outings with my husband. The chorus goes like this: 

Pour me somethin' tall and strong, make it a hurricane before I
go insane, it's only half past twelve, but I don't care, its five o'clock
somewhere.

I have a new CD that I purchased at Best Buy last weekend by Fun,
featuring Janelle Monáe. My favorite song is We Are Young. The song starts out like this: 

Give me a second I, I need to get my story straight my friends
are in the bathroom getting higher than the empire state, my lover she's
waiting for me just across the bar, my seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking about a scar, and I know I gave it to you months ago, I know you're trying to forget, but between the drinks and subtle things, the holes in my apologies, you know I'm trying hard to take it
back.

 If I like a song, I am the type of person that will play it over and over in the car. So now my kids know this song by heart and we have a great
time singing it together. Here’s where the debate comes in. My husband wonders if it’s appropriate for them to be singing “my song” because drugs are mentioned but not directly. I say to hell with that because his Its 5:00 Somewhere Song is all about drinking. He claims that at least his song is about legal drugs where my song makes reference to drugs that are not legal. But let’s back up the truck here. At the age of 9 my daughter has no idea of what getting“higher than the empire state” even means. 

So my question to you is: Do you sensor certain songs from your
children? And I’m talking about the stuff they play on mainstream radio and not that other crap. I’m a huge Eminem fan but I would never let my kids listen to his music. Am I a bad Mom for letting my kids listen to We Are Young? Is my husband a bad Dad for teaching his daughter Its 5:00 Somewhere? We are interested in knowing how music is managed in other homes, 

Thanks! 

Ciao! 


 
 
 
 

Our Suppertime conversation went like this last night: 
(Mac) You know those air hoses at the gas station that we use to
put air in our bike tires? Do you know what happens if you stick one up your butt? 

(Will) You blow up? 

(Mac) No stupid, you die. 
 
(Me) Who told you this and why would anyone stick one up their
butt? And stop calling your brother stupid. 
 
(Mac) Dad told me all about it and he even watched a video. 
 
Later in the evening when my husband got home: 
(Me) Why in the hell would you tell Mac that if you stick an air
hose up your butt you will die? 

(TJ) I didn’t! I was trying to explain the dangers of compressed
air. I told her about a safety video that I once watched where some guys were goofing around and they sprayed some compressed air in the direction of another guy’s backside, the air went through his skin and he died. I was explaining the dangers of spraying the air on your skin.

(Me) Well okay then but I think I’m going to Google it anyway
just to see if you are right about the dangers. 
 
Not only was he right about the danger, I also found TWO pages of
examples where air hoses were stuck up butts for one reason or another. Two pages of stories about people actually sticking an air hose up their butt or accidently falling on an air hose and getting them shoved up their butts. I think survival of the fittest should apply here. Some nights all I can do is shake my head. 

That’s it for today; I have to work on my garden. Have a great day! 


 

Gone Fishing 
I had the most amazing day yesterday. Our fishing trip was the stuff that dreams are made of. We caught Largemouth Bass, Smallmouth Bass, Pumpkin Seeds and giant Suckers. The Ugly Sticks, the Pretty Stick and Will’s newly named Cool Stick sure got a work out. It was the most fun I’ve had fishing in years. Every time I hook one I yelled “fish on” like the great Jeremy Wade from River Monsters. 

With only 7 days of school left my husband suggested I go fishing
alone one day while the kids are at school. Although it sounds appealing I don’t think I could do it. I’m too big of a scaredy-cat. Yesterday while we were fishing an old man with a cooler sat down and watched us fish while he drank beer after beer. He couldn’t speak well and seemed to have some mental issues. I’m sure the man is harmless but at the same time I just can’t help but image my lifeless body on the river bank with a pile of dead carp. I’ve watched too many movies and read too many scary books to put myself in that position.
 
Cats
I took the cats to the vet this morning for yearly shots. Getting them into their carriers was especially difficult. I ended up using the Animal
Planet move where you tip the carrier so the door is facing up and then drop the cats down into it. They howled in the car all the way there. By the time we arrived Maddie had two lines of drool running from her mouth to the floor of the carrier. The vet informed me that they both are overweight and may need some dental care as they have a lot of plaque on their teeth. That doesn’t surprise me considering they never brush and one weighs 11 pounds and the other 13 pounds.

The only problem I have with putting the cats on a diet is that they will drive me insane with their crying for food. They also do this little number where they run in front of your feet and try to trip you to get your attention. Even though my husband never feeds them, they try to trip him on the steps frequently. He thinks they are trying to kill him. We’ll see how many injuries will result from this cat diet.
 
The Nightlight
It wasn’t the fact that he fed a balloon into the ceiling fan in his room that set me off or that I caught him trying to throw small stuffed
animals on the fan blades to give them a ride. Nope. And it wasn’t the incident where he was practicing using a scissors and cut up his sheets, pillowcase, comforter and the handles on the totes in his room. And it wasn’t when he took a small plastic box cutter to school and got in trouble for having a “weapon.” It was much worse than that.

After he was tucked in bed for the night he got up and decided to fill his Cars Nightlight with water from the fish aquarium. It was one of those moving picture type things. Thankfully my husband walked in and
caught him.

Now the fish are in my kitchen (which I hate) and the nightlight has been tossed and he’s gotten the “what electricity can do to you speech” but what’s a mom to do? This kid requires 24 hour surveillance and I worry about him constantly. If this is five what will fifteen be like? (Don't answer that!)
 
Have an exceptional day passengers! 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Mother of all Days
Happy Mother’s Day to all mother’s in the world today. We have the greatest, hardest, and most rewarding of all jobs on the planet. Everybody has a mother, on earth or in heaven, today is the day to give thanks for your mom. 

The Celebration
Because I’m a bit on the selfish side I decided I wanted Mother’s Day all to myself this year. Hopefully the day will involve some sun, a fishing
trip with the kids, some steak on the grill for lunch and a nap. Yesterday we celebrated Mother’s Day with our families. The day involved lots of flowers, food and fun. The most memorial event happened at my parent’s house. It was my father’s birthday and the only thing we were supposed to bring was a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. We forgot it. My husband drove to get one and brought back the most amazing cake…..with one little issue. The cake said Happy Mother’s Day and
it was supposed to say Happy Birthday. My husband claimed he didn’t know it was my father’s birthday. My father was not impressed.

The cake curse continued on. Before I could get it cut, my sister and my father convinced my daughter that the frosting was scented. Being a curious nine-year-old she bent down for a sniff and promptly had her face shoved into the cake. My father and sister both denied doing this
but nonetheless my daughter ended up with a face full of cake. She cried. Not because of the frosting up her nose or in her hair, she cried because she was in pain. The cake was frozen and the poor little thing claimed her nose hurt after the tragic event. Once the tears were dried she laughed about the incident and we all laughed while we tried to convince my mother to smell the cake.  It was a Mother’s Day party that will live forever in my mind. 

The Gifts
My children made me the most beautiful cards for me at school.
McKenzie’s was a picture printed on cardboard and cut into puzzle pieces. I had to put the puzzle together before I could read the message. Will also made me a card with the word MOM and a picture of himself in the center. I love my kids! I also received a huge basket of pink flowers from my in-laws and a basket of white flowers from my god-son Austin. When I gave Austin a hug and thanked him for the flowers he admitted that he didn’t even know what the flowers looked like because him mom picked them out. Too funny, he’s growing up so fast. I received fun things for my garden from my own mother and last but not least, drum roll please……..I got a Kindle Fire! I actually got it early because the kids and my husband were so excited to give it to me that they couldn’t hold out. I love it so much but it has caused some“issues” in my life. 
 
I never play games on my laptop or phone and rarely participate
when my family plays the Wii or PS3. The only game I really like is Majong. Computers are for work but the Kindle is for fun. The kids asked me to download a game called Angry Birds and I’ve been hooked ever since. It’s the stupidest game with crazy pig-faced green things that smile at you when you don’t kill them. They drive me insane. I play this game in the morning, with the kids, without the kids, before bed, I play it when I should be working on my book and I play it when I should be writing a blog, it has taken over my life. I’m ashamed to say that I’m addicted to Angry Birds. I rarely have time to check my
Facebook account and I haven’t be on Pintrest in days. Effective tomorrow I am going to try to wean myself off of this horrible thing, but for today, maybe just one more game. 

Now get out there and have an amazing day! 
 

Lines 
There are many types of lines; I know that this is
true.  In line, out of line or online, it’s really up to you. 
You can cross enemy lines or read a line in a play. 
You can hang your clothes on a line on a really nice day. 
There are airlines, gas-lines and lines on your pretty
face. There are telephone lines, zip-lines and line drives to chase. 
You can cross a finish line or draw a line in the
sand. Use a line of scrimmage or make a bee-line for the
stands. You can be fed a line of shit by someone that you
hate. Or work on an assembly line with a person named Cate. 
You can cast a fishing line, hear pick-up lines at a
bar. Or wait in line for fast food while sitting in your car. 
You can walk the line or have a credit line at the
store. Travel on a cruise line, snort a line of coke with a
whore. You can wear a fashion line, line a pan with Reynolds
Wrap. Be the punch line of a joke or have tan-lines that look like
crap. You can drive across a state line or flat-line when you’re
dead. And you pee a line of urine, yep that’s what I said. 
There are hem-lines and soup lines for when you need some
food. And unemployment lines will put you in a really bad
mood. But my favorite line is green and I just wouldn’t
fake. I love the perfect little lines that my lawnmower
makes. 
 
Have a wonderful day!