Last week I had the opportunity to brag about how well my kids are doing; awards, good notes from teachers and just plain happy, well adjusted, kid(s).
This all came to a screeching halt on Thanksgiving Day. After the huge meal, getting the table cleared, the dishes done and cleaning up piles of dog puke (Charlie ate too much) I was ready for my traditional Thanksgiving nap. The kids were sitting quietly in the sun room, in front of the warm fireplace playing on their Kindles.
After about an hour I awoke from my turkey coma, yawned, stretched and reached for my phone. I had several messages from Amazon regarding download orders. This included a $15 Miranda Lambert album, Hot and Sexy Spanish Women app, White Trashy Women app and an app for Sex Chat. Turns out William did a little shopping while I was taking my nap.
I immediately marched into the sunroom and demanded Will’s Kindle. Even though the evidence was right in front of me, he denied purchasing the apps and made up several silly stories suggesting that maybe someone stole his Kindle and downloaded the apps, that maybe his sister did it or that maybe he did it by accident.
After some prodding he finally fessed up and admitted to watching me enter the parental control password, memorizing it and then turning it off after I was asleep. He wasn’t aware that Amazon sent me a message every time something was downloaded. As he navigated the web without me holding his hand, he took the opportunity to click on the ads that popped up. Thankfully he only had access to these apps for a few minutes before he got caught. Who knows what he saw.
The internet can be a scary place and a kid with access and no parental control is only asking for trouble. I’m sure lots of kids will be getting electronics this year: tablets, Kindles, laptops, etc. So my advice to you this holiday season is this: use parental controls, never let the kids see the password and don’t ever think your kids aren’t smart enough to figure out how to get in and turn the controls off. If the kids aren’t old enough to go to the mall alone then they certainly aren’t old enough to wonder into the web alone. Just saying.
And the naughtiness didn’t stop there. Yesterday we received a note regarding Will saying a bad word at school. After blaming it on the Internet, video games and his sister he once again fessed up and admitted to saying “shit” in the boy’s bathroom.
Will claims he had words with a boy that was making fun of his art work. The boy told Will, “you can’t have red tree’s, that's just stupid.” I’m guessing Will’s assessment of the boy’s artwork was that it was “shit” as opposed to “the shit” which would mean it was really good.
Regardless, William has picked a really bad time of the year to misbehave. Christmas is just around the corner and Thursday night we will set out our shoes for the traditional Saint Nick night. Those that are good will wake up to shoes filled with goodies while those that are bad won’t get shit!
Looks like Will has some hard lessons coming up. When I was growing up I can always remember my parent’s saying, “This is going to hurt me more than
it’s going to hurt you.” Yeah right, I always thought that was a bunch of shit too, until now. It is painful to withhold goodies and treats and fun from your
kid but it is necessary. You can’t reward bad behavior.
Turns out my calculations on how much firewood we would need for the winter were wrong as we have already burned through over half of the 2.5 cords that we received a couple months ago. I guess my ‘cozy and warm’ requirements are off the charts as I prefer a steady temp of around 70. I absolutely love our wood burning stove and fireplace. So yesterday we received another load of firewood. And that means stacking wood which I hate but at least the weather here in the 60’s so I can’t complain about that.
Ginger & Alex!
Ginger and Alex, our Elf on a Shelf duo are back in action. This morning the kids thought it was pretty funny that Ginger made an “Alex Sandwich.”
The elves are also dressed in aprons and chef hats…..they must have shopped at Dollar General because I saw these items there, they are wine bottle apron covers and they sell for only $1 each. (Wink)
Lovin My Oven
After 94 days of utter hell, the heavens opened,
the angels sang and Lowe’s finally delivered us a new oven. And let me tell you, this oven doesn’t disappoint, it goes zero to 350 in 3.5 minutes! On Thanksgiving Day my family will definitely be adding ‘oven’ to our list of
things we are thankful for.
I also have to give a shout-out to Lowe’s. They made a mistake in measuring for the first oven they tried to install and it didn’t fit. They eventually found an oven that would fit and paid the difference in cost which was hundreds of dollars. Many retailers in this day and age do not go above and beyond in situations like this but Lowe’s went the extra mile for us and we are extremely grateful for that.
I am a bird lover and have a big deck that I use for bird feeders. When we first moved in there were some cute baby squirrels that I allowed to eat out of the feeder. Well today they are fat, full-grown rodents who I no longer wish to support.
In an effort to keep them off the deck I found one of Will’s remote control trucks and set it on the deck. Each time I see squirrels by the feeder, I simply run at them with this monster truck and they scatter. It’s also kind of fun. I’m thinking I should take this idea to the next level and get a patent.
Last night after dark, McKenzie was looking outside at the deck through the window with a flashlight and she spotted another creature eating bird seed out of the feeder, a cat! I didn’t know cats ate bird seed. This cat was obviously feral as it bolted when it saw us, but it looked rather pregnant and we felt sorry for it. It must have been awful hungry if it was eating seed. My husband forbid us from feeding it and gave us a lecture
about feeding strays. We rolled our eyes and will be feeding it effective tonight. (But don’t tell him!)
As parents I think we all sometimes wonder if we
are doing our best to teach our children good values and character. It is nice when a message like this shows up from school:
A great time was had by all at our November monthly celebration. A special congratulations to 5th grader McKenzie Maas from Mrs. Wilson's class who was
chosen as our November role model! McKenzie tries to keep her fellow students on task, defends against bullying, excels in every subject, and always puts forth
her best effort. She volunteered to help with the haunted house during our Monster Math night and was one of only two students who showed up and helped. She also donated her hair to locks of love in September. We are proud of all of our LJ students and enjoy celebrating them each month!
For this honor Mac won a tablet! She is extremely proud and happy. William also brought home an award certificate, he won an award for research. He and a
partner researched horses and then gave a presentation in the classroom. I think that’s pretty impressive for a first grader! I’m so proud of my kids!
I’ll leave you with one last thought; When I go to KFC why can’t I buy a bucket of skin? That’s my favorite part – I would even pay extra for it. They now sell skinless, boneless chicken so they must be wasting an awful lot of skin. Just saying.
My kind of fat burning is probably not the same as your kind of fat burning. The other evening while cooking supper I did some of this fat burning. I was draining water off some noodles and when I do this I typically take the easy route and use the lid. I just hold the lid on the pan and leave a little space where the water can drain out. While doing this I was talking to my husband who was sitting at the kitchen table.
In an instant, the lid slipped through my fingers and I poured boiling hot water onto my shirt and down my pants! I sucked in my stomach as hard as I could and pulled my jeans away from my body. As I did this
a huge puff of steam came out of my jeans. My husband looked on in amazement. “Are you okay?! You didn’t burn your private parts did you?!” I guess he was
pretty concerned about that. But no, I didn’t burn my private parts because I had a little fat to block the hot water from going directly to that area.
Standing in the kitchen I pulled my shirt up and
dropped my pants to prevent further burning. My husband had a look of awe on his face as the scene unfolded. Thankfully the kids were outside playing otherwise it would have been hard to explain why mommy was half naked in the kitchen.
The burns on my stomach were very painful but
thankfully began to heal quickly. So for once in my life it paid to have a little extra fat.
So please pass the chocolate cupcakes so I can be
prepared for next time!
On Friday night I attended my first Glow Dance. I
had no idea what a Glow Dance was but the PTA at our school was hosting the event as a fund raiser. Apparently they do it every year. The cost was five-dollars per head to get in the door and they had tables set up where they
sold glow in the dark items like necklaces, bracelets, earrings, wands – you name it. If it glowed in the dark they sold it. Once you have you glow items you then enter the gym were a DJ is playing music.
The only light is coming from the DJ’s disco ball. The gym is completely dark. Parents are seated on the bleachers and the kids hit the dance floor. As a parent this was one of the most terrifying events I have ever been to. You can’t see who you are sitting next to let alone your kids, just flashes of glowing lights going in all directions. Some running, some dancing. The music was loud too.
When we got home my husband asked if I saw the
principal or any teachers. The answer was no. I couldn’t see anyone or anything. It was the strangest event I’ve ever been to.
Lights Under Louisville
Last night we took the kids out to supper at Incredible Dave’s and then to Lights Under Louisville. If you’ve never been to an Incredible Dave’s it’s like a Chuckie Cheese except with really great food. If you buy a meal for $16.99 you automatically get a $10.00 card for games which is a great deal. And for $16.99 you can get a rib eye steak dinner, chicken Alfredo or a ton of other delicious options.
When we finished eating the kids did the trampoline with the bungee cords, climbed on a huge jungle gym thing and played a wide variety of rip off games. Will played a candy game that cost $1.00 to play. He won a Tootsie Roll and was really impressed. Incredible Dave’s really was quite incredible and I’m sure we will be back very soon.
Next we traveled to downtown Louisville for one of the most unique Christmas light displays I have ever seen. There is a business called the Mega Caverns that offers zip-lining during the summer months. In the winter they transform it into a winter wonderland.
What makes it unique is that it’s an underground cave. It costs $25 per car to drive thru and takes thirty minutes to see all of the displays. As Christmas music plays you
travel along oohing and aahing with the windows down. It was sixty-five degrees outside last night. The weather is great here, so far I love it.
I think Lights Under Louisville will be one of our ‘new’ Kentucky Christmas traditions.
This morning while eating breakfast I mentioned that Diamond, our Russian box turtle, had been acting strange. I think it’s just the change in the weather that has her out of whack and she isn’t sick, just not
William immediately had a diagnosis; I know what it is Mom. It’s
called a-reptile dysfunction and we have to buy this stuff they sell on TV. I can’t think of the name but it starts with the letter ‘C’.
Thankfully I was eating oatmeal or else I most certainly would have choked.
Today I learned a valuable lesson. The parking lot at our Kroger store was full, it took me a while to find a place to park which is unusual. There were only a few carts left when I entered the store. The store was bursting at the seams with old people! They had walkers, canes,
scooters – you name it. And they weren’t moving very fast either. It wasn’t because they couldn’t remember what they needed, no way, they had their neatly written lists and piles of coupons in hand.
They were moving slow because they couldn’t find what they were looking for. I made the mistake of helping some of them out. Now
I love, love, love old people – I think they are the greatest. But when they are looking for a certain brand of yams and you are helping them find it and you have to listen to a ten minute spiel about how Aunt Helen’s recipe doesn’t taste right without this specific brand of yams, well eventually you tire of helping old people and just want to get the hell out.
While I was helping one couple the lady commented about how busy the store was. I asked why and her and her husband both laughed. “The first Wednesday of every month is Senior Citizen's day. You should steer
clear of Kroger on that day!” Thanks lady, I think I’ll do that from now on.
And to add insult to injury the store replaced all the Little Debbie Fancy Cakes with Christmas Cakes! The Christmas Cakes don’t even look as fancy as the Fancy Cakes and they don’t taste as good either. And don’t even mention Zebra Cakes because they don’t taste as good either. Just
ask my husband who is totally and completely addicted to Fancy Cakes. He eats a minimum of two packages per night for a mid-night snack. So now where in the hell am I going to find Fancy Cakes around here?!
If there’s one golden rule I’ve learned in my life it is this: things can always be worse. Case in point, my oven. I have been without an over for months now. To get you up to speed here is what happened.
Our house came with a home warranty. A few weeks after moving in the oven door fell off. The warranty company sent a person to fix it. In the middle of the same night it was fixed, we awoke startled as we heard a loud crash. Turns out the person that fixed the oven door just used duct tape to stick it back together!
This meant another call the warranty company and another visit from a fix-it-man. This time the man said he could not fix it, that we needed a new over. Yea for us! The warranty company was going to buy us
a new over. The fix-it-man measured the space before he left and the warranty company sent us a shiny new over a few weeks later.
It didn’t fit! The fix-it-man measured wrong, the oven was three inches bigger than the space. The warranty company said they couldn’t find an oven to fit. I called Lowes, paid a person come out to measure and he called me with the make and model of an oven that would fit. The warranty company said they couldn’t buy me the oven that would fit. They could give me the $1,800 oven that didn’t fit or they would send me a check for $1,200.
That wasn’t fair at all because we had to pay hundreds of dollars more towards the oven at Lowes but we had to make a decision so we took the money and called Lowes to install the oven that would fit. They delivered the oven yesterday and it fit….except the door hit the granite countertops when you opened it. No big deal they said, we’ll just pull it forward an inch and for your troubles, we will pay to build it in properly for you.
I was happy with that and was even smiling when they left. I attempted to bake some cookies before the kids got home from school. I reached over to pull out the drawer that contains the silverware and couldn’t, the oven was blocking the drawers! So the thing that’s worse than not having an oven is having a brand new oven that you can’t use!
Lowe’s will call me in a few days with a solution or with the specs for a
different oven. Can you flippen believe this?! Don’t ever say things can’t get worse because they most certainly can!
And you can stop posting pictures of oven food too because I'm tired of looking at it. I don't want to see your steaming hot meat loaf or a picture of your stupid lasagna.
Today I will leave you with the beautiful view of my back yard. I’ve lived in many places but Kentucky wins hands down for the most beautiful.
The purpose of this blog is NOT to get into any pissing matches regarding religion. I am merely stating my opinion on this
The kids brought home two notes from school regarding parties. One is a Math Trick or Treat Halloween Party being held at school on the evening of 10-29 – after school. The other is a fall party being held during school on 10-31, which just happens to be Halloween. For the fall party each child is required to bring a snack but parents were cautioned that
each item must be individually wrapped, no cup cakes are allowed and the word Halloween or anything related to Halloween must not be on the treats.
When we went to parent teacher conferences I inquired about these parties and I was told that there are some students who do not participate in Halloween activities. Specifically, these students are
Jehovah Witnesses. If a Halloween party was held during the day the students would have to leave the room therefore the school decided to do a Fall Party during the day on Halloween and a different party in the evening for Halloween so these students would not feel like they were missing out.
First and foremost I have no issues with people or children of different religions. There are many Catholics who also do not celebrate Halloween as it’s considered a Pagan event. But Halloween in the US is a big deal, especially to kids. Most who do participate in Halloween are not
really worshipping or embracing evil, they are just having a good time dressing up in costumes and getting some candy. And it’s not just kids, my husband even has a Halloween party at his workplace complete with prizes for the best costume and pot-luck lunch with plenty of Halloween goodies.
Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t appreciate it when you knock on their door on the evening of 10-31 looking for candy because they don’t have any for you. But at the very least they can leave their outside light off, that’s a sign to Trick or Treater’s that no one is home. It’s too bad that we
don’t have some kind of warning when they are coming to knock our doors. They can strike anytime, and don’t seem to give a shit about our religions when they are preaching theirs on our door step. So we should respect their religion and not celebrate certain things in their presence and not knock on their doors on Halloween night. But we need to also remember that it’s okay for them to knock on our doors at any time and try to sell us on their religion?!
Is it okay to celebrate Halloween at school or work? What about Christmas, Valentine’s Day & St. Patrick’s Day? Aside from
costumes what’s the difference between a fall party with snacks and drinks and a Halloween party with snacks and drinks? And what’s the difference between a Christmas party and a holiday or winter party? My kids are allowed to take cake or snacks to school on their Birthday’s but Jehovah Witnesses do not celebrate birthdays so should this too be discouraged?
I once worked with a person who was a Jehovah’s Witness and had a very heated discussion with her regarding holiday pay. I felt that she (and all Jehovah’s Witnesses & people that don’t celebrate holidays) should have Christmas and all holidays be regular work days and that
they should not get holiday pay or double time for working on a holiday but rather get other paid days off during the year. Why should they get holidays off if it’s meaningless to them?
What if a new religion started and the people didn’t believe in celebrating season’s or holidays, then what would we do? There would be no spring, summer, winter or fall parties and no holiday parties either. There would be no way for us to disguise our holiday parties. Because after all that’s really what’s happening.
Where does the line get drawn? Who gets to draw the line? What happened to majority rules? Maybe the parents at each school
should get the opportunity to vote on which things will be celebrated, when they will be celebrated and how they will be celebrated.
But in the mean time I need to figure out what to buy for the fall party that happens on Halloween. Because you can't even make or bake things for school parties anymore. But that's another blog.
Well I’m happy to say that my nose is 100% healed. Did I tell you what happened to my nose? I didn’t, well let’s get started then.
It happened weeks ago, in fact we had visitors from Iowa at the
time. We had just thrown some wood in the wood stove for the first time and the house was nice and toasty. Out of the blue I got a bloody nose, I’m sure from the dry air the wood stove created. I stuffed some toilet paper up my nose and left a little hanging out.
I grabbed a steaming hot cup of coffee and went to join my guests. On my way to the front porch I took a big drink of coffee from the full cup without even thinking about the toilet paper stuffed up my nose. The hot coffee hit the toilet paper which absorbed it, sending a burning hot stream all the way up my nostril!
Yeah, I felt pretty stupid and no I didn’t seek medical attention but it’s all better now.
Last night we attended conferences for Will at his school. After we arrived we were seated in tiny, blue chairs. The kind 1st graders have in their classroom. The teacher went over facts and figures and showed us test scores and told us what a wonderful job Will is doing in school.
I looked over at my husband at one point and it seemed like he was sinking. Turns out the legs on the tiny chair he was sitting in couldn’t hold his weight and they bent outward, giving him a slow, silent ride to the floor. He attempted to get up during the ride and with his legs flailing about he looked like a wounded giraffe. I almost peed in my tiny chair because I was laughing so hard.
The teacher didn’t find it very amusing. She first asked if he was injured (but it was only his pride that was battered and beaten). She then commented on how the chairs were very old. She didn’t even crack a smile the entire time. I suppose she was trying to remain professional
but come on, how many times do you get to see a six-foot-five man on the floor trying to get out of a tiny, broken chair?!
The kids were there too and got to witness this fun event. Will said he couldn’t wait to tell his best friend Kenny what happened. Mac said she couldn’t wait to tell all of her friends what happened. And me, I couldn’t wait to tell the world what happened! I even thanked him for giving me a blog topic. I would have taken a picture of the broken chair but the teacher was ready for us to leave immediately following the incident and I figured we better leave before we got sent to the principal’s office.
Trunk or Treat
Last weekend we attended our first Trunk or Treat. Around here they discourage children from Trick or Treating door to door so the surrounding communities have different events in the weeks leading up to Halloween.
Trunk or Treat for those not familiar is when you drive to a designated spot and pass out candy from the trunk or your vehicle. The kids go
to vehicles instead of houses. Strange concept but it seems to work.
Some Trunk or Treats are successful while other have ‘issues’. Of course the one we attended had ‘issues’. There were only nine vehicles lined up to pass out candy but at least 90 vehicles dropped kids off and didn’t pass out candy! What a scam.
Because there were only nine vehicles it didn’t take kids long to make their rounds so they just kept going. Some of the kids stopped at our vehicle for candy four times! And let’s not forget the adults, some were dressed in Halloween Costumes from head to toe and they stopped at each vehicle too.
It was certainly a learning experience. But then again every day seems to be a learning experience around here!
Have a good day friends!
School has been interesting so far and I’m still waiting to be convinced that some of the practices in Kentucky are beneficial. For example, my kids have no spelling words! Each week they are given a list of
words but they are not required to learn how to spell the words. Isn’t that
crap?! They are however supposed to be able to explain the definition of the words. I think this is strange and unusual.
I believe the shift is occurring because most kids today have electronic devices that correct or tell them how to spell things. I just feel like something is missing, that we must memorize things in order to get our brains functioning properly. After all that’s how it was done when we were in school and look how well we all turned out!
How are you ever going to get a 1st grader to read properly if they can’t spell and how can you expect a fifth grader to write a good essay if they can’t spell? Spellcheck can help you with misspelled words but it can’t help you with word identification like pair/pare or their/there.
Take this paper for example. On a weekly basis Will has to take his weekly word list and cut the words or letters out of magazines or newspapers and glue them to a piece of paper. It looks to me like a
ransom note or something a serial killer would send. How can this possibly help a child learn to spell?
Will's paper for school.
The other issue that blows me away is the fact that cursive is not taught at schools around here. The kids learn how to sign their names and that is all! Thankfully Mac learned cursive last year in Iowa and they are letting her continue to write in cursive here. None of her 5th grade classmates know cursive and they probably never will. And unless I teach him, William won’t learn cursive either. No need to worry if something is written in cursive and the kids can’t read it because there’s an app for that! Yep, translation apps are already out there clearing up this problem.
I’m not going to just sit back and watch as these primary educational wonders simply slip away, hell to the no. My kids will have Mom generated weekly spelling tests and when the time comes I will teach Will cursive. The kids are not impressed or happy about this but I think it’s important. And hopefully in a few years when they bring back spelling because test scores are so bad, my kids will be at the top of the class.
And if not, they will know how to make one hell of a ransom note!
I’ve had a pretty crazy past seven days. It started out with a flood and our lawn mower breaking then it was visitors for three days (which I loved!) one trip to a dentist, two trips to doctors, I still don’t have an oven, we went to Churchill Downs, played a baseball game, played
on a rope swing, went to a Pumpkin Patch, shopped at the mall, celebrated my mom’s birthday, had supper with some old friends passing through, Mac lost another tooth and Will decided to shave one of his eyebrows off! AND we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary!
Shame on you naysayers who said it wouldn’t last, here we are 25 years later! We are still inseparable, still show public signs of affection and still love each other like we did in high school. Well we don’t do hickies anymore but you get the idea. He’s my rock and I wouldn’t trade him
for anything or anyone.
I absolutely loved having company. My parents and my aunt and uncle (Dianne and Lyle Harris) drove all the way to Kentucky from Iowa to hang out with us and although things didn’t go as planned we still had
an amazing time. My favorite part was sitting on the front porch, drinking coffee and talking. The Scrabble games were fun too. My porch seems sad and lonely now.
One of the trips to the doctor was interesting. My husband got stung by a ground hornet on the back of his heel. After a couple days it was really swollen, red and he could hardly walk so we took a trip to a walk-in clinic. It turns out that he was having an allergic reaction and after a
shot of steroids and a prescription we were on our way.
Here’s the interesting part. The doctor advised us that in the future should anyone in family get stung by anything that we spray on a 50/50 mixture of bleach and vinegar on the sting. He said if we would have done that right away, the foot would already be healed. I Googled it when
we got home and couldn’t find anything about a bleach/vinegar mixture. But I did mix up a batch so I’ll let you know what happens if anyone gets stung.
I suppose the next question on your mind is why on earth would Will shave off an eyebrow. I was quite shocked when I noticed he had done this. Thankfully school pictures were two week ago! He was sitting at
the kitchen table eating what he refers to as “man oranges” (mandarin oranges) when I noticed something didn’t look quite right about his face. I couldn’t help but laugh as I asked what happened.
This was his explanation: You know how it feels when you get your hair cut really short, how it feels peachy? Well I wanted to see if an eyebrow would feel the same.
So there you have it. There actually was a method for his madness this time. He asked if he would be punished for it and I told him no. “Every time someone asks you what happened to your eyebrow and you have
to explain, that will be your punishment!”
And one lesson I learned this week is that it’s not easy to give stuff away. Even if it’s nice stuff. We have a garage full of stuff that doesn’t fit in our house: Cherry TV stand, Race Car Bed, Lamps, storage chest, electronics and the list goes on and on. Initially I was going to have a rummage sale. I thought I would price the stuff cheap and get rid of it
fast. That was until I learned that an ad, a tiny crappy ad was going to cost $100 in our local newspaper.
So then I decided I didn’t want to go through the trouble of pricing and sorting everything if I wasn’t going to profit off it. I thought we could give it away – do something good for someone. I called Goodwill, The Salvation Army and Saint Vincent DePaul and none of these organizations do pick-ups in my area. I’m only thirty minutes from Louisville for Pete’s sake!
So far I’ve found two people that will pick up the items: a local guy that runs a thrift store and a guy on Craigslist that picks up left over garage sale junk. Both of these people would make huge profits off of this stuff. We want to give it to people that are in need, we want to help someone. We want to give to an organization that helps people. Why can’t I find an organization that helps people to pick stuff up?!
I’m going to keep trying but if you have any suggestions please let me know.
Have a good week friends!
Here in Kentucky I’m learning that ‘pay backs’ really can be hell. In this state we have the Castle Doctrine which basically means that you have the right to use deadly force if an intruder enters your home or even if someone in your home makes you feel threatened. If you do use deadly force in these situations, you are free from legal responsibilities
resulting from your actions. I’ve read a few cases lately of people shooting people inside their homes – relatives even, and the people basically get away with murder.
I suppose this law makes people think twice about breaking into a house and it has to make domestic disputes a little more interesting. A fight is a fight but if you know your spouse can kill you and get away with it (if they feel threatened) I would think there would be less physical violence.
But sometimes here in KY the law does not apply in certain situations. Case in point; an ad in the lost and found section of our newspaper. And I quote:
"My spouse was upset at me and threw out his car window, a new pair of shoes of mine. It was anywhere off of Kings Church Road in Bullitt County. They were pink Sketchers."
And then the person goes on, listing her name, email address and phone number!
You don’t mess with people in Kentucky. You could lose your life…..or your pink Sketchers. You are rolling the dice if you mess with anyone in this state. One way or the other, you will get some Karma served
up southern style around here.
Today is day 51 with no oven. A delivery company showed up yesterday with a shiny, new oven but it didn’t fit. I almost cried. They hauled the old oven away so now there is a giant hole where the oven used to be. It was like having my heart ripped out. I really miss having an oven.
I’ve been finding lots of interesting things on the front porch. My favorite so far has been this praying mantis. She made a home in my rocking chair and stayed for three days. I left her alone and didn’t dare move her. Then, like my oven, she went away. I was sad. I told my husband I
missed her and he replied, “Are you crazy? You can’t form a friendship with an insect.”
My friend the praying mantis.
Blue Tailed Skink.
I’m still struggling with many things here but I’m learning as I go. Take firewood for example. We are going to heat our house with wood this winter. I was tasked with figuring out how much we would need,
buying log holders and ordering the wood. I love projects like this. But
unfortunately I shopped before I did the math. I went out and purchased this:
Isn’t it cute?! I thought so. What a beautiful, elegant rack for holding our firewood. Problem is there is nothing elegant about firewood storage for this reason; Once you put the stupid cover on you can’t see it anyway so what’s the fricken point? Besides that, this rack holds a tiny amount of firewood – an amount I am now referring to as a “Tam” of wood. I’ll
get to the why eventually. I bought two of these racks figuring there would be plenty of room for the needed wood.
After doing the math which involved looking at the square footage of the house and determining how many heating days/nights there would be over the winter, I came to the conclusion that we would need a butt-load of firewood. But unfortunately firewood is not measured in butt-loads
or even boat-loads. It is measured in Ricks or Cords. There are approximately three Ricks in a Cord, therefore I needed six Ricks or two cords and not two tiny Tams.
Cause you see, a Tam is a ridiculous amount of wood. An amount that no one should ever buy or need. And I figured if some guy named Rick had an amount of wood named after him, then I too deserved such an
The next step was purchasing realistic log holders and thankfully the boxes tell you how many cords of wood each rack will hold. I bought and assembled four huge black, ugly firewood racks complete with covers and tiny metric Alan wrenches (See another guy name!) that busted up my knuckles and made my fingers sore.
I ordered the firewood and on delivery day I still did not have my head wrapped around the amount of wood that there is in two cords. I dam near shit my pants when the dump truck pulled up, dumped firewood all over and then drove away. I thought that he had made a mistake. What the hell?! And now it needed to be stacked.
For two days we worked on stacking the firewood and when the racks were full we still had a huge pile as the nice man threw in extra wood for us. I had to buy and assemble more firewood racks.
Now when I look over at my cutesy little firewood racks holding only a mere Tam of wood, I have to laugh. Lesson learned. And thank God I didn't burn wood in Iowa because I would have needed TWO boat-loads and I'd still be outside stacking.
This is two of the eight firewood racks we now have! And there is still a pile of wood on the ground.
Not Lovin My Oven
Today marks day 41 of me not having use of my oven. When we purchased our house it came with a home warranty. The company is
supposed to fix or replace appliances that have issues within the first year. They sent a local repair company out to look at the oven and the main issue is that there is no make or model number on the oven. They tried ordering a door just by dimensions but it didn’t fit so now it has been determined that they will give us a brand new oven. But when?! They are supposed to let me know on Wednesday. Conversation with the lady at the home warranty company:
(Rep) And is there anything else I can help you with Miss Mass? (Cause no one can say our name right.)
(Me) Yes, there is. Do you have any supper ideas that involve not using an oven? I’m fresh out.
(Rep) (Laughs) I’m so sorry Miss Mass, we’ll get this taken care of just as soon as we can.
So in the mean time I was getting sick of looking at my empty kitchen walls and I had an idea. The kids think it's funny. My husband thinks it's strange. I kind of like it.
What do you think? Modern art maybe?