Peter Hobbs (born 1973) is a British novelist. He grew up in Cornwall and North Yorkshire and was
educated at New College, Oxford. He began writing during a prolonged illness that cut short a potential diplomatic career. He is the author of The Short Day
Dying, a novel, and I Could Ride All Day in my Cool Blue Train, a book of short stories. He is also published in New Writing 13, an annual anthology of new work, and 'Zembla'. He is currently a writer-in-residence for the charity First Story. The Short Day Dying was short listed for the 2005 Whitbread First Book Award (known now as the Costa Book Awards), the 2005 John Llewellyn Rhys Prize,
the 2007 International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award and won a 2006 Betty Trask Award. Thanks for joining us Mr. Hobbs; I hope you enjoy the
Yesterday I was eating a piece of Dove chocolate and was admiring the beautiful wrapper and loving the sweet little message written inside and I then started thinking about tampons. (Don’t ask why, it’s just the way my brain works.) Why can’t we have cute packaging and little messages inside of our
tampon wrappers? Many women need “personal protection products” they are a necessity. Just like toilet paper we will buy them every month. Does that mean they have to boring? I should think not. They should give us something to look forward to, something fun. They should be like fortune cookies with little messages inside like “tomorrow will be a better day” or maybe they could have little scratch off tickets inside each one so we could win a prize.
These “new and improved” products could maybe even get an endorsement from the NFL or NASCAR. You see all these stupid commercials for men’s products like Viagra or Cialis but no cool commercials for our personal protection products. There’s a commercial that I hate, first this guy is cooking
on the grill and then the whole scene changes and him and his woman are ready for some action and Bob’s your uncle! Like that would happen in real life. If
there is meat cooking on the grill, I highly doubt that any man would walk away from it for a“romp in the hay.” Maybe after the steak, but not before.
I digress. If the NFL or NASCAR did endorse women’s products think of the publicity our personal products could get. “Playtex Tampons are the official tampon of the NFL.” Woo, hoo! And then teams could get involved. We could have Green Bay Packer pads and Tampa Bay Tampons. Guys would be much more willing to go to the store for you if you needed a box of XXXL Bear Pads with wings, a box of scented Saint Louis Rammers or New York Giant Pads. The
boxes could also become collector items and women could try to get every team. They could give away game tickets inside the boxes.
NASCAR drivers have every sponsor imaginable. Budweiser, Kleenex, Bush’s Beans, Chex Party Mix, M&Ms and many more. Why isn’t there a Kotex
car? Couldn’t you imagine the announcers, “And the leader is the number 83 car driven by Brian Vickers, oh wait, from out of nowhere the Kotex car just sped
past. And you thought Red Bull gave you wings ladies and gentleman, look at the wings on the P1 Ultra-Thin Kotex Maxi car!” I could hear Darryl Waltrip saying that.
Would you buy this product or cheer for a tampon car? Hell yes you would and I would too. I think I will forward this to Playtex and Tampex. I’ll let you know what they say.
While researching this (because I Google everything) I learned that there is a product in Britain called the Mooncup and yes it does what you think it does but it’s not disposable. (May your cup never runneth over!) They even have a website called www.loveyourvagina.com and a flippen song too. It looks like this product has been around for a long time. It says on the web site that the US manufacturers don’t want us to like this product because then they won’t make as much money.
Check it out.
British Word of the Day – Bloody (I had a theme going!)
The word bloody is considered a swear word for our British friends but not a bad one. I’m sure you've heard it a few times in the Harry Potter movies. They use it in situations to emphasize their surprise. That is a bloody nice shirt you have on today or did you see how bloody fast the Tampex car was going? They tend to insert the word whenever it fits in sentences
(every sentence) “it’s not bloody likely that I will do that” or “you’re bloody mad if you believe this.” American’s should refrain (at all costs) from using
the word bloody in this manner as it doesn’t sound quite as cool when we say it.
(But I’m going to say it anyway…..you knew I would!)
Have a bloody fantastic day passengers!