It started last Monday afternoon when Will called
me into the bathroom to explain that something was wrong with the toilet because the water was all the way to the top. As I plunged and pried he finally fessed up that he was ‘experimenting’ and flushed a Capri Sun bag down the toilet. He also claimed he flushed a Gatorade bottle.
After measuring and looking at the design of the
toilet, my husband and I agreed that it would be nearly impossible to flush a Gatorade bottle. But we don’t put anything past Will, he does amazing things. We
decided to wait to see if the septic system backs up and then we’ll see what the plumber pulls out.
As we discussed punishments we came to the
agreement that Will’s two favorite things to do are: playing outside and playing video games. We decided to take away video game privileges for a week as it is
summer vacation and he should be outside playing anyway.
The next morning he went outside to play. Just swinging on the tire swing was too boring so he decided to climb the rope above it. When I stepped onto the porch he was at least five-feet above the tire. I yelled the usual, that he should get down before he fell and broke his neck. It was then that he fell, but thankfully he didn’t break his neck, he broke a bone in his foot instead.
The doctor says zero activity! He has a walking-cast, ‘boot’ exactly the same as his father had (my baby giraffe). Looking back we should have grounded him from playing outside, what the hell were we thinking?!
Even though we’ve been in Kentucky for almost a
year, I still feel like an outsider looking in when I’m with the locals. It is different here, really different. In Iowa if a bunch of kids came over to play I would have a huge pile of shoes sitting next to my door. Here in KY there are no shoes. Today I had five additional kids in my house and not one pair of shoes! They go barefoot, all the time.
In Iowa there was only grass and pavement. Here there are critters, weeds, rocks and numerous other items that could really hurt feet but the kids don’t wear shoes here. (Except my son, he wears a boot now!)
We had a party last night with the neighbors,
complete with a redneck firework show in the backyard. Alcohol was plentiful and a jar of authentic Moon Shine got passed around! If fire was a flavor, that’s what Moon Shine tastes like. They don’t call it Moon Shine though, they just call it ‘Shine.’
I’d only heard about Moon Shine in country songs but before long the jar was in my hand! It was like my ‘redneck’ baptism right in the backyard. And we all drank out of the same Mason jar which really got this
germaphobe thinking. But I didn’t think about it for long as there was no way germs or brain cells could possibly live with ‘Shine’ around.
But these people make more than just ‘Shine.’ I
was escorted into the neighbor’s kitchen and was given a glass of ‘Rattlesnake.’ It was good, tasted like chocolate milk. They call it Rattlesnake because it
sneaks up and bites you in the ass when you aren’t expecting it! And then there was this red stuff, I don’t recall the name but I’ll never forget the taste. If you chewed a whole pack of Big Red gum and put all your spit in a glass and then drank it later, that’s what it tasted like.
After the firework show the grown men and young
boys played a game where they shot each other with bottle rockets! I thought for sure we were going to be dialing 911 before the night was over.
Next it was time for the kids to do sparklers. They set up shop on the wooden playground equipment and within a few minutes the playground equipment was on fire. Someone laid a whole pile of sparklers on top of a candle. Again I thought we would be dialing 911 but everyone poured their beers on it and eventually it went out.
I was sitting in a lawn chair listening to conversations; one guy said when he was young he was outside playing with his sisters when they decided to pretend weeds were lettuce. They ate a pile of poison ivy which put his sisters in the hospital for weeks but didn’t affect him at all.
Another story was about Geodes. They don’t call
them Geodes here, they call them ‘Cracking Rocks.’ One lady said she and a friend were busting open geodes one night and her friend went home late. The child explained that she was late because she was with her friend doing ‘crack rocks.’ The parents immediately came over to see what the hell was going on!
It was then that I heard my husband belt out ‘Tiptoe Through The Tulips’ in his best Tiny Tim voice though two 800 watt speakers! The crowd went wild. I knew at that very moment that he too had been passed the same jar of ‘Shine.’
We lived through it and look forward to the next neighborhood party. Cause I live back in the woods you see, the husband and the kids and the dog and me and a country girl will survive!