In the checkout lane I grabbed two, huge, King Sized Snicker Bars for my husband and I threw them on the belt. I don't even LIKE Snicker Bars. The checker scanned them and set them next to my purse. Horrified I said, “You didn’t put those there because you think I’m going to eat them when I get to my car do you?!” “Yes ma’am, I mean no ma’am. Just trying to be helpful ma’am.”
Helpful my ass! I must look like I could down two King Sized candy bars in one sitting. What is wrong with these people?! No wonder obesity is an issue in this day and age. I blame it entirely on the checkout clerks at the grocery stores. If the shit is in a bag in the back of the car then you can’t reach it when you are driving. If it’s in your purse you may as well consider it gone.
Trying to be helpful my ass. Trying to kill me and ruin my self esteem is more like it!
McKenzie loves to read and she collects bookmarks. In fact, she will sometimes use ten bookmarks at a time in one book. She has unicorns, rainbows, cute fuzzy animals and funny sayings on her bookmarks.
William on the other hand doesn’t like to read and I think that might show in his latest bookmark. It’s the cardboard insert from the new underwear he got when school started! He puts it at the bottom of
the book so the underwear are facing the right way.
The other day I painted the hallway a color called Spritz Blue. Midway through the paint job I backed up into a wall. I painted over the mark and looking behind me, didn’t see anything so I continued on. I painted right up until the kids got home from school. They reminded me that they had a fund raiser at school that night, bounce houses, face painting
and a concession stand. I quickly picked some paint out of my hair before we left and I figured I looked okay.
Mac commented on the ‘tiny bit’ of paint on my shorts and I panicked. My husband assured me that it wasn’t noticeable, “it blends right in with your shorts,” he told me. There was no time to change so I loaded my Smurf ass into the truck and away we went.
When we got home and I undressed to shower I got a good look at the HUGE amount of blue paint that was on my backside at the fund
raiser. I could have died. They say first impressions mean everything and I met many people and teachers for the first time that night. They must have wondered what in the hell was wrong with me. I’m sure they now refer to me as “the woman with the big blue ass” or “blue butt.”
Whatever. It’s a wonder my ass even fits down the hallway at all with the way the clerks push sweets around here!
Aside from that things have been going well. The plumber fixed the leaky tub faucet and the dishwasher is finally fixed but the oven door fell off! How does that happen?! Have you ever heard of that happening? Well it happened to me. Just a day in the life of Tammy!