There was a girl in my class that I was friends with. We played on the playground together. One day she told me she was going to have a birthday party and that she would give me a ring. What she meant was that she was going to call me, like on the phone, but I thought she really was going to give me a ring. I imagined how shiny it would be and I couldn’t wait to get my hand on
She did call, well actually her mom called my mom and I did get to go to her party. There was cake and games and traditional birthday stuff but
I was pissed because I still didn’t get my ring. When we were back at school the following Monday I decided to tell her that I wasn’t impressed that she had lied to me. She was confused.
“You said you were going to give me a ring and you didn’t.”
“Yes I did, I called you and you even came to my party.”
“But you didn’t give me a ring so stop lying about it.”
“I did give you a ring.”
“Fine liar, I don’t wanna be your friend anymore.”
And I stopped being her friend. Giving someone a ring and giving
someone a RING is entirely different so say what you mean dammit. Lying little brat, I should have given her a ring, a black one right around her eye. It still makes me mad. (Can you tell?!)
The other thing I remember about first grade is that we did these stupid phonics lessons. We would begin by having the class say their name and then something else that started with the same letter. One by one we would go around the whole room. For example Debbie might be dog and Carl might be cat. There was a little brat in my class named Tony and he always said Tony Tiger
which left me with Tammy Tangerine. I didn’t like being Tammy Tangerine and just once I wanted to say Tammy Tiger. But the little asshole beat me to it nearly every day. I stopped being his friend too.
Another thing that sucked about first grade is that my mom sent me to school wearing these shirts that snapped in the crotch. And it wasn’t like just one or two snaps it was like eight snaps. I think the purpose of the shirts was to keep your shirt tucked in but they really sucked. I had a really hard time snapping the dam things and got in trouble more than once for taking too long in the bathroom. Everyone in the class must have assumed that I was taking a shit or something because they cracked up every time I would get scolded for
abusing bathroom time.
Now that I think about it, first grade wasn’t much fun at all and
I’m sorry I dredged up all these awful memories. I better make an appointment with my therapist pronto.