Today I had a mammogram which is something that most of us“over forty” girls do once per year. It’s not something I look forward to but I realize the importance so I bite my lip and do it. I refer to my breasts as “the girls” and they do not understand the importance of getting smashed at all. To make matters worse I typically have to have two sets of pictures of taken at each appointment which I believe is a punishment for something I used to say in
I was your typical rebellious teen who wore black clothes and had a black, bleak attitude. I believe my come-back line is what did me in. When someone my age would make a comment or say something I didn’t like I would say, “Suck my left tit.” It delivered the shock and awe I was hoping for each time I said it. Looking back it wasn’t a very nice thing to say and I believe God is punishing me for this now.
I have a “spot” that appears on my left breast each
time I have a mammogram which requires an additional set of pictures and sometimes even an Ultra-sound. Everything always turns out fine and I’m told to report back in one year. So as I sit nervously waiting for the results at each appointment I always flash-back to high school and think about what I used to say and if it was really worth it.
I’m not sure what possesses a person to become a
mammogram technician but I suppose it’s a necessary function. The person that worked with me today was delighted to show me the digital pictures of my breasts on a screen after each take.
“Aren’t they fascinating?” she asked me. I felt like saying, “Yes, they are quite fascinating, can you print me off about 50 or so in wallet size so I can send them out in my Christmas Cards?” But I didn’t dare. These are people you don’t want to rile up or to make mad at all. They control the horizontal, the vertical and the compression!
They constantly ask if you are feeling comfortable and there is nothing comfortable about it. When they
say, “I’m going to roll the tissue now,” that means, “I’m going put your breast in a vice and give you the worst titty-twister you have ever experienced. Stand still, hold your breath……..OK you can relax now.” With your breast smashed between two pieces of plastic it’s extremely difficult to relax so I don’t understand why they feel the need to say that.
I checked out fine as always and apologized to the girls once we got in the car. They were happy to be safe and warm again but they were still mad at me. “It’s for your own good,” I told them. As we pulled out of the parking lot a car sped past and nearly took us out, I immediately laid on the horn and shouted, “Suck my left tit!”
Passengers – you might have to move over bit and share seats now as my Publisher: Rainstorm Press posted my blog on their web site and Facebook
page. We already have many new friends hopping aboard and I would like to welcome each and every one. We even have a person from England – and she says “Mum” instead of “Mom” isn’t that cute?! I will introduce you to her another time. For now we need to keep this bus rolling.
Have a spectacular day!