When we moved into this house any overflow went straight into the garage. The two-stall garage is full to the brim and there are even some unopened boxes that I can see. Yesterday I decided to start going
through everything to determine what we would get rid of and what would stay. After thirty seconds of looking around I found a large piece of snake skin on the garage floor. A snake must have gotten in and shed its skin. Now I’m terrified to go back in there.
I whined to my husband about it when he got home from work. His reply;
(TJ) I can’t tell if it’s poisonous or not just by looking at the skin. You’ll be fine. Just make sure you’re careful and have your cell phone with you at all times.
Really?! Is he flippin serious? We have 32 species of snakes in KY ranging from six inches to six feet and four types of venomous snakes found here as well. Who the hell am I supposed to call if I get bit? The venom control hot line? I mean really. I’m not a whimp when it comes to
these things but now I know FOR SURE that there is a snake in there. Hell, he could have his whole family in there for all I know.
Moral of the story:
A man will say/do ANYTHING to get out of cleaning out the garage! (Especially a garage with a snake in it!)
We have two black Walnut tree’s here and they are dropping nuts all over. I love Walnuts so I decided I was going to harvest some of my own. It’ll be easy I thought. I thought wrong! I Googled how to do it
(because I Google everything) and before I knew it I had opened up and eaten my first Walnut….and it tasted good! But I failed to follow some of the directions and failed to heed some of the warnings. I skipped right over the part about wearing gloves. How bad could it possibly be? Let me tell you, it’s really bad! With my brown stained fingers I Googled “how to get Walnut stain off hands.” So far nothing has worked.
But I didn’t let that slow me down, I don’t quit that easy. I bought me some gloves and learned that you can take the green part off by rolling them under your shoes on pavement. But again I failed to comprehend the word SHOES and I did it with my sandals on. How bad can it be I
thought? It’s really bad! My toes now match my fingers!!
I have a basket of partially finished black walnuts in my garage… with the snake. I quit. I don’t give a shit if they cost $11.00 per pound, it’s not worth it. Nature sucks!
I have to tell you this story but PLEASE do not mention it to Mac if you see or talk to her as she was/is devastated about this. Yesterday at school, towards the end of class her cell phone rang. (Some stupid
telemarketer from California.) She’s been warned about turning it off at school but she forgot. So anyway her phone is in her backpack at the back of the classroom and her ring tone is Redneck Woman. So when it rings all the class hears is; “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Well I’m a redneck women I aint no high class broad….” This experience brought her to tears. She was so upset. I felt bad for her.
She asked me if anything like that ever happened to me and I said, “Hell yeah, hell yeah!”
She didn’t think that was very funny.
But I continued, “Some people look down on me but I don’t give a rip, I stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip.”
She really didn’t think that was funny and she left the room.
I think it’s going to be a long time before she lives this one down.
She's my little Redneck Woman getting all Kentuckyfied on me!