My husband is an eater. At six-foot five, he is a big guy and in good shape for his age. He jogs and lifts weights but food is his life. His daily lunch consists
of: one peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a bag of shoe-strings, a bag of carrots, two pieces of string cheese, a piece of fruit and some candy. Smarties®
are his candy of choice.
He can polish off an entire Tombstone Pizza,® all by himself and when he eats cereal, he eats plenty! He begins with a large Tupperware® bowl, and pours in a whole box of cereal and half a gallon of milk. This is usually a before-bed snack. He likes Rice Chex®. He prefers beef over all other types of meat; rib-eye steak is his favorite. He once watched a documentary about how chickens are kept, and now chicken is his least favorite food. His favorite breakfast is; half a bag of hash browns, five sausages, four eggs and four
pieces of bread as he doesn’t like toast. But some days he prefers French toast. This takes a whole loaf of bread and at least six eggs. He prefers to have a
dish-towel over a napkin and a tablespoon over a
Almost every night he wakes up and eats a snack in the blackness of our bedroom. Typically this midnight snack consists of two packages of Little Debbie® Fancy Cakes. That’s the only type of Little Debbie snacks that he will eat, and they have to be refrigerated. We buy several boxes at a time and stack them neatly in the fridge so he has easy access to them.
Years ago some friends at work decided to play a trick on him. One of his co-workers took some Saltine Crackers® out of his lunch and spray-painted them red! He wasn’t even looking at his food, just shoveling it in his mouth, and he ate them. He didn’t get sick either, which is amazing.
I thought eventually he would “grow-out-of” the massive amounts he eats, but that has not happened. If he goes more than a few hours without food he gets shaky and grouchy, sometimes he claims to be dizzy. The weekends involved cooking and dishes and cooking and dishes. Monday morning means
grocery shopping as he usually eats everything we have in the house over the weekend.
Over the years I have gotten to know his eating habits well. When I was a young bride he once brought home some fresh squirrel he had shot and
proudly presented them to me to cook. I pretended like I knew what I was doing but I really didn’t have a clue. I decided to make “squirrel soup.” I added all
the necessary ingredients that go into a good pot of soup but I made one huge mistake. I failed to remove all of the hair off of the squirrel which led to a nice, even layer of hair on the top of the pot. He ate it anyway because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings! Or was it because he was shoveling it in his mouth and not paying attention? Either way he ate it. It just goes to show that sometimes “quantity” reins over
This bus needs some “airing” out if you know what I mean. I’ll drop you off at the Casino while I hose it down and spray some Febreeze®. (I had to get one more registered trade-mark in there!) Have a wonderful day passengers, I hope you hit the jackpot of your dreams.