cookies. I don’t like peanut butter cookies therefore I don’t like to make
them. If it doesn’t have chocolate in it then what’s the point? So anyway he even specified that he wanted the little fork marks. The purpose of the fork marks is beyond me but whatever, I would make his stupid peanut butter cookies complete with the stupid fork marks.
I wasn’t about to go through too much trouble so I bought a package of Better Crocker peanut butter cookie mix. I didn’t do this because I’m lazy I did it because if it’s Betty Crocker it has to be good, she really has her shit together. Piece of cake I thought: add oil, water and one egg and
you get three dozen cookies. Great that should shut him up for a while.
So I mixed it up and began forming the balls. The directions said
I would get thirty-six cookies, but wait, I only had twenty and all the dough was gone. Stop the presses. I went back to the directions and it said for thirty-six cookies my balls should be one inch each. My balls didn’t look that big. I got out a tape measured and measured my balls – how do you measure balls anyway?! Is there a Mr.Crocker out there? If so he should explain to Betty that the average size ball is between 1.5 and 2 inches and anything smaller shouldn’t be recognized. My balls appeared to be two inches but without a caliper or ultrasound devise I couldn’t be sure. Bottom line, I had big balls.
I looked at the directions again and it said if you didn’t want to do one inch balls you could do a rounded teaspoonful. Are you kidding? A teaspoon would be a flippin joke of a cookie, that’s not a ball it’s cookie dust and nothing more. My husband would snort them! The fork marks would be so small he wouldn’t even be able to see them without a microscope.
So completely exhausted from all the thought that these cookies
involved I went with the big balls and made twenty cookies. But I was disgusted again by the directions as it said to cool the cookie sheet between batches. Betty Crocker could go to hell by this stage of the game. Who does this? Do people really cool their cookie sheets between batches? I just wanted to get it over with and eventually I did.
After all that, I hope my husband enjoys his peanut butter cookies made with balls bigger than Betty’s. And I think Betty Crocker has some
explaining to do about her balls and how she measures them. Maybe she should sell a ball measuring device along with her cookie mixes. After all it does take some balls to say a person will get three dozen cookies if they make them the size of lint pieces. That’s wrong Betty, wrong on so many levels.