TY
Thank you for all of the advice yesterday on a Farmers Market
book signing vs. getting a Kindle Fire. I really appreciated everything you had to say. It was a difficult decision but I decided to get the Kindle, ahem, I mean I decided to “wish” for a Kindle for Mother’s Day. Hopefully that works out for me. And I will continue to look for “free” venues where I can sell my book or hand out fliers. I have one really good idea in mind already.
So the next question is (from my husband) where is the best place
to buy a Kindle Fire? (Yeah me, I’m getting a Kindle Fire!) ((I
think!))
What are you “wishing for” or buying for your significant other
for Mother’s Day?
Fright Night
Thankfully I sleep soundly and have no problems dozing off at
night. But when I am woke from a deep sleep it’s usually with a jerk and a jolt as it frightens me. My daughter is the scariest person to wake up to in the night. She likes to wear long nightgowns and has long hair that often covers her face when she wakes up. Sauntering over to the bed with her sleepy gate makes it look even worse. Have you ever seen the movie The Ring? It’s exactly like that. Last night it was worse though as after she woke me (at midnight) she just stood looking down at me, like a character from Paranormal Activity. I wondered how
many hours she had been standing there. She then slowly put both hands over her mouth and mumbled, “I don’t feel well.” I feared the worst. She was going to projectile vomit all over me in my bed (Exorcist). In true horror movie style the only word I could muster up was, “Run!”
And run she did but didn’t quite make it to the bathroom in time.
I’m not a morning person which definitely makes me an even worse midnight person so cleaning up vomit when I was half awake was not something I looked forward to doing. I went to the kitchen to get some cleaning supplies but when I returned the vomit was gone. Much to my horror our dog had eaten it! So I had a living nightmare of sorts last night.
My daughter is doing better this morning but didn’t want to get
dressed or comb her hair when we took her brother to school. We pulled up to the school and as he was getting his backpack on two little girls were walking past. They stopped and looked in the direction of my daughter who was in true “Ring” disguise with most of her wild hair covering her face. Alarmed by what they had seen they jogged quickly to the door of the school with panicked looks on their faces. We laughed all the way home.
Joke of the Day:
A pile of vomit walks into a bar, very sad and sobbing uncontrollably. The bartender asks, "What's the matter with you?"
The vomit says, "Sorry to be all sentimental, but this is the place where I was brought up."
Now get out there and have a wonderful day!
The Dilemma
For Mother’s Day I have been heavily hinting at wanting a Kindle Fire. Many of my author friends have books out that I need to read so a Kindle Fire would be perfect. But of course something else always has to come up. I did some research on doing a book signing at the Dubuque Farmers Market and for $45, I can do a Saturday morning signing. That sounds like a wonderful option because there is a great deal of traffic at the Farmers Market. But one requirement for the market is that you have to have commercial insurance. I have some experience in this area as my book signing at the mall cost me over $300 for insurance alone.
I contacted my insurance agent and he got back to me with a deal;
for $245 he found a company that will cover me for the rest of the year. (Where was this deal when I did my signing at the mall?!) This option would be great as I could do signings in most public places for the remainder of the year and be covered. This is where the dilemma comes in. With insurance and the $45 I would be even further in debt unless I sell a considerable amount of books which probably won’t happen.
I can write all of this off at the end of the year but it still would be nice to make a profit. Is it worth spending the money for exposure? Even if people don’t buy a book there they might take a flier home and down
load a copy on their Kindle Fire (which they will have and I won’t). So I’m not sure if I should cut my losses and find “free” venues for book signings or if I should go for it and spend the money.
What do you think I should do?
The Sequel
I’ve been working hard on the sequel, it’s consuming me. When I’m
not writing I’m thinking about it. It’s coming along faster than I had planned. Just yesterday at the grocery store a stranger approached and asked when it would be ready. She almost seemed upset that I wasn’t finished with it yet. So I assure you that I’m working on it!
The Babies Are Gone
Yesterday we discovered that the Mourning Doves are gone. I was
sad because I enjoyed watching them but happy that they moved out of our gutter. When I told my husband they were gone I stuck out my bottom lip to show him that I was sad. His reply, “Something probably ate them.” Thanks for making me feel better honey.
Have a Sunday Fun Day!
Flashlights Yesterday my mom and I blanketed the city of Dubuque looking for the ultimate buys at the city wide rummage sales. I got some good deals; a disco light, a leopard purse and a Nintendo DS for my daughter, a brand new Paper Jamz guitar, batting gloves and sandals for my son and some clothes. I typically do well at rummage sales but yesterday I got ripped off. I bought 4 flashlights for one dollar. That’s a great deal and we need flashlights because when the power goes off at our house we are always scrambling to find flashlights and candles. I was happy with my purchase until we stopped at a store to buy batteries. It cost me $17 for four D’s and four C’s. When I got home I put the batteries in the flashlights and none of them worked, not one! So I guess I’ll have to chalk that up to a lesson learned and will drag my heavy head to Wal-Mart to buy some new flashlights. Nutella News When I had lunch with my daughter at school the other day I took a Nutella sandwich to eat. I figured my daughter would want to trade me for her peanut butter and jelly sandwich but I was wrong. She was disgusted by my sandwich and didn’t want to even try a bite because she claimed it was “unhealthy.” er friends listened as I told her that people in England have been eating Nutella sandwiches for over thirty years and that the commercials state that it’s healthy. My daughter claimed that anything that tasted that good couldn’t possibly be good for you. She was right. I was ashamed this morning when I read that a woman won a lawsuit against Nutella for its false claims of being a healthy food when it wasn’t and in the court case they compared the contents of Nutella to a candy bar. The woman won three million dollars and American consumers win too because everyone is eligible for a refund of up to $20 with no receipts involved. If you click on the link below you can sign up for a refund. http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/new-economy/2012/0427/Nutella-settles-lawsuit.-You-can-get-20So in a Nutella shell, I just recently fell in love with the product and now I discover it’s not good for you. That really sucks. But I guess on the bright side there will probably be lots of Nutella available at discounted prices. Liar, Liar Yesterday a woman surfaced in Mexico claiming to be carrying 9 babies after fertilization treatments. I was furious. But this morning it’s all over the news that she lied, she’s not pregnant at all. If we all get 15 minutes of fame why would you want to waste yours on a lie? This lady needs help. I think a week helping Octomom would be more than enough punishment. http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/27/11427076-claims-of-woman-pregnant-with-9-babies-debunked?lite Have a good one!
Swinging In the big playground of life you can’t swing alone. Did you know that if you are swinging at precisely the same speed as the person next to you that it means you are married? I learned that yesterday at recess with my daughters 3rd grade class. She invited me to have lunch with her and then we got to play. Lunch was kind of strange though as we had “quiet time”which meant we couldn’t talk. But that was okay; we just smiled at each other as we ate. One of her classmates said his mom had read my book. I asked if she like it and he replied, “I don’t know, she doesn’t discuss what books she likes and doesn’t like with me.” I love 3rd graders; they are so honest and fun! Baby Birds Today the baby doves ventured out of the nest and onto the roof. They were looking over the edge and stretching out their wings. I bet in a day or two they will be flying around. I videotaped them so I could show you but I’m too stupid to be able to figure out how to save it on my computer. You’ll have to take my word for it, they are really cute. Horoscopes This is what my horoscope said today: If you feel like you are in the thick of things, you are right. But the good news is, you are the calm eye of the storm, the place where everything is quiet and serene. Of course, the time is coming soon when you will be forced to take to your shelter and hide out from the tumult around you. Resist the urge to fight back or brave the harsh elements. You need to live by the motto of 'safety first' if you want to get through the action without any stress. http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/sagittarius/daily-extended/What the hell is that supposed to mean? That really freaks me out. Take shelter and hide, from what? I only TRY to believe horoscopes when they are good but when they are bad I have a hard time not believing them. So if anything bad happens to me you can blame it on the horoscope person. Fortune Cookies To try to convince myself that it was all in my head I went to the fortune cookie site. http://www.fortunecookiemessage.com/You simply click a button and open a cookie. My cookie said that my wish will come true. That really sucks in a way because now I have to wish that nothing bad will happen to me because of my horoscope. If it wasn’t for the horoscope I could have wished for something good. But oh well, at least my day should be normal now and uneventful. I hope your day is uneventful too! Happy Friday guys.
Fishing
For my 16th birthday my Dad bought me an Ugly Stick. It was exactly what I wanted and I couldn’t have been happier with it. For those of you that aren’t into fishing, an Ugly Stick is a lightweight fishing
pole. For as long as I can remember, I have loved fishing. Last weekend we took the kids fishing and after a few casts we decided we needed to buy a couple new poles. I talked my husband into getting an Ugly Stick like mine but my daughter was hell-bent on getting a pink rod. So she did. And we named it the Pretty Stick! Ever heard the song, “She Thinks Were Just Fishin?” Yeah, it’s like that.
Newspaper
Special thanks to Kim Brooks, editor of the Monticello Express,
for coming to my book signing at the library and for putting my picture in the
newspaper.
Octomom
Well the mother of all mothers is in the news again today. Not because she posed nude for magazines or because she’s on Welfare, this time“a friend,” a beautician, turned her in for not taking proper care of her children. This friend claimed she wanted to help and offered beds for the children as some are sleeping on the floor. She also said she gave the children free haircuts. But online she posted pictures of a $500+ check that Octomom gave her for a couple of haircuts and $80 in hair products.
First and foremost this beautician could have anonymously contacted social services but no, she thought about herself and sold pictures to TMZ. So yes Octomom is struggling, who wouldn’t with 14 kids but this beautician needs to be portrayed as what she really is, a money hungry bitch who was willing to sell out a friend for money and fame. If she was a friend, why didn’t she cut her hair for free to help her out?
Octomom obviously has mental issues that cause her to want to “hoard” children. The story says she has no indoor plumbing so the kids are forced to use potty chairs in the back yard. The pictures show a house and yard in shambles. I think it is time that social services step in. She is receiving $2,000 a month in welfare benefits but with feeding 14 kids I’m sure that money doesn’t go very far. Also there is no way one person can attend to the needs of that many kids.
On the day the pictures were taken the beautician gave Octomom a Brazilian Blow-out which is a chemical straightening procedure. She did this
while the children were all locked in a room with a chair propped against it so they couldn’t get out. There is a picture of this too. Someone needs to
introduce Octomom to Suave, a flat-iron and maybe some Calgon so she can learn how the rest of the world lives.
Shame on Octomom for getting herself into this situation in the first place, shame on all the people that pretend to be her friend and then use her, shame on TMZ for profiting off of her problems and shame on the state for not getting involved sooner. These kids deserve better than that.
http://www.tmz.com/2012/04/25/octomom-nadya-suleman-house-kids-police-investigation-toilets/ Have a great and wonderful day!
Spelling
At our house spelling is a huge part of our week as each child has spelling words to learn. They get the words on Monday and take a spelling test on Friday. Yesterday I was yelling out spelling words to Will as I was making the bed. He spelled each word correctly. I went to the kitchen to congratulate him and found him standing next to the refrigerator looking at the
spelling list that was hanging on the fridge. Can you spell c-h-e-a-t-e-r?!
Monkey Bread
This morning I made a batch of one of my all-time favorite foods, monkey bread. And no, I don’t go through the trouble of making it from scratch
because Wal-Mart sells this is the freezer section and it’s just as good as home-made. Throw it in the microwave for two and a half minutes and you have the ultimate breakfast. This morning I decided to get dressed while it cooled. When I came back into the kitchen it was gone. Our cat Rose was in cahoots with our dog Charlie. She pushed it onto the floor and they both ate it. I was not a happy camper. The dog and cat eating my monkey bread makes me feel like a
stupid-ass!
Girl Lego’s
A group of activists is upset about Lego’s new
line of characters that includes girls rather than the little square men. The activists don’t like the “tiny breasts or fancy hair” and claim the toys hypersexualizes girls. Say what? I couldn’t even find the definition of hypersexualizes in any online dictionary. What the hell is the problem with
these toys? We are girls and yes some of us have tiny breasts and fancy hair and don’t our children deserve the right to play with toys that look like they do?
Why does everything have to be gender-neutral these days? I want my daughter to be proud that she’s a girl, it is a part of who she is.
These toys are harmless compared to the damage that is done by trying to convince these kids that it doesn’t matter if they are a boy or a girl. It does matter. You are who you are. You get what you get and you don’t
throw a fit. Girls Scouts are for girls and Boy Scouts are for boys, why complicate matters like this? Life will be complicated enough when they grow up; can’t they have a fun filled childhood without the stress involved with trying to pretend that their gender doesn’t matter?
To make matters worse these activists have gotten over 55,000 signatures against LEGO for manufacturing these toys claiming the products they
make should not be gender specific. That’s bull-shit and the 55,000 people that signed this petition need to get a life. I am woman hear me ROAR and I will
raise my daughter to roar as well!
Have a wonderful day : )
http://www.change.org/petitions/tell-lego-to-stop-selling-out-girls-liberatelegohttp://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/04/20/activists-outraged-by-lego-line-for-girls-to-meet-with-company-executives/
Roller Crotch
McDonald’s has done it this time; they’ve created the perfect superhero. I’m not sure who he’s supposed to be but he’s mean and green and my kids call him Captain Roller Crotch. If you look at the picture you’ll see why they call him that. (And don’t ask why my son bit a portion of his head off.) He has a wheel on his crotch and if you give him a shove he takes a little ride. You can even flip a switch and light him up before he cruises around. When trouble comes knock’in I really ain’t gonna watch, cause you’ll get a whippen from Captain Roller Crotch! “How does he pee mom?” “I don’t know son but I bet he makes one hell of a mess in the bathroom.”
Sea Monkey’s
The Sea Monkey’s the kids got for Easter got dumped down the drain this morning and I’m adding them to my “stupidest products” list. When I was a kid I remembered looking at my sea monkeys and imagining them as little tiny underwater people. Today I probably dumped an entire empire down the drain and I had no remorse. My kids hated them. I guess in this technological world of wonders, things like Sea Monkeys are boring to kids. You can have a complete virtual aquarium filled with every imaginable fish on the planet on your phone,
iPod or computer so what’s the point of having almost invisible creatures in a cheesy little container on the kitchen counter? Captain Roller Crotch is much
more exciting than Sea Monkeys anyway.
School Pictures
The kids brought home their “spring” pictures today. When I was a kid we had our school pictures taken once per year. My kids do this twice per year and I think it’s a racket. They tell you when picture day is going to be and they take pictures regardless if you want them or not. When they are ready they send them home with the kids. If you like them you can keep them for $40 or $16 per sheet. If you don’t like them you send them back to school with your kid
and they THROW THEM AWAY. Is it really necessary to do this twice a year and do they really have to cost so much money?
I typically get suckered into buying $80+ in pictures twice per year because let’s face it, we love our kids and professional pictures usually rock. Well this time I was really disappointed with the pictures. Will’s shirt wasn’t tucked in and Mac was in a weird pose with a fake smile on her face. I hate the pictures and don’t want them. I could have done a better job with my digital camera.
But the guilt sets in. “Mom, some of the money from the pictures goes towards a new playground. Don’t you want us to have a new playground? Don’t
you think I look pretty mom? Can I share some of the pictures with my friends Mom? Won’t grandma love these pictures Mom?”
I can’t imagine what it’s like for the parents that have three or more children or the parents that can’t afford any pictures at all. I think it’s mean to send pictures home with kids whose parents can’t afford them. How bad must they feel? How bad must it make the kids feel? It’s like bullying, grown-up style.
Say CHEESE and have a fantastic day passengers!
What He Said
My son was the ring bearer in a wedding this past Saturday. Will has been obsessed with his cousin Samantha since the first day he met her. He was excited that he was asked to be a part of her special day and wanted to do his very best. “If I do a really good job maybe Sam will let me carry the rings
for all of her weddings.”
What She Said
My daughter was watching a music video on YouTube the other day. When it was over she gave her critique, “I liked the song but the girl had way too much cartilage showing.” I thought maybe she was trying to say the person didn’t have enough piercings. I looked at her puzzled and she pointed at her chest, “You know mom, cartilage!” Ooooh. You mean cleavage honey, that’s cleavage, not cartilage!
4:20 Day
Now that 4:20 day is over did any of you celebrate? Do you know what 4:20 day is? I do now, simply because of an e-mail my husband received. We were at a bar during date night when he received the message, it told of the time and place a band was playing and at the end it said, “Happy 4:20 Day :D”
We were both confused so my husband asked the lady sitting next to him if she knew what it meant. She refused to answer, she said, “You could be a cop for all I know.” Now we were even more suspicious. Another patron at the bar volunteered an answer, “today is pot appreciation day.” I didn’t believe it
so I Googled it on my phone and he was right. It turns out this special day has been occurring for over 30 years and I didn’t even know about it. (My husband
was still confused about the :D at the end, he didn’t know what that meant. I had to explain that it was a smiley face!)
And now that I’ve researched it there are some interesting things to note: many high school students wear shirts with the numbers 420 on them if they are in favor of pot. School officials and most parents are unaware of the meaning. Now that you know this interesting fact you will be able to identify pot smokers from a mile away. Did you see the movie Pulp Fiction? You probably didn’t notice this at the time but every clock in the movie is set to 4:20. The
pot smokers of the world caught this but the rest of us didn’t. On 4:20 day a statue of Willie Nelson was unveiled at exactly 4:20! After that Willie sang his
new song: Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die.
Our friends across the pond get to smoke marijuana legally. They have cute little coffee shops where they can roll a fat one and smoke. Personally I don’t see the harm in it. Any drug that makes people happy and gives them the munchies can’t be so bad.
Have a great day friends!
Hello friends, it’s been a few days and I apologize for that but I’m back on the bus and hoping to take you places that you would never go alone.
Rubber Nut Neil
So a guy walks into a bar and……so that’s how most jokes start out but the story I’m going to tell you about really happened. I had the pleasure to share this story with some of my family members at a wedding yesterday.
Friday night was date night for my husband and me. We went out for an amazing supper and then decided to stop at a couple of the bars in town. We have a total of 4 and had never been to 3 of them. The first bar we stopped in was comical, the locals were sitting at the bar drinking beer and watching
Wheel-of-fortune, yelling out answers. Everyone was very friendly. An old man pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with us. He introduced himself as
Rubber Nut Neil.
Neil explained that he was 82 years old and he pointed to his wife of 56 years sitting at the bar. When we asked why he had such a strange name he pulled an acorn out of his pocket and set it on the table. He asked us if we knew what kind of nut it was. We each picked it up and scoped it out; it looked like the typical acorn I would find laying in my backyard. Our answer was that it was an acorn.
Neil looked down and shook his head, not impressed with our answer. He then grabbed my husband’s beer bottle, placed a thumb over the opening and smashed the acorn on the table. As it busted open, a condom came out of the tiny nut. We were amazed.
Neil explained that he has been making these “rubber nuts” since the 70’s. He slices off a small section, hollows them out and then puts the condom inside and then doctors up the top perfectly. He told us about a $3,000 order he had for a bar in Oregon. He sells the nuts for $2 each. I bought 5 to show family and friends.
Neil orders condoms in bulk and claims the UPS man once told him that his order should last him for the rest of his life. Neil explained that the order wouldn’t last him one week! My husband and I had a great time on date night. It’s the sights and sounds and people you meet that make life interesting.
Have a wonderful day passengers, I’m happy to be back!
Library Event/Review
My speaking/signing event went well at the Monticello library on Tuesday night. Thank you to the library and to everyone that came and listened
to me ramble on about my book. I really appreciate all the support.
There is also a fresh, wonderful 5-star review on Amazon which I am also very thankful for.
Rummage Sale
Right now I am blogging “live” from my garage as I am having a rummage sale. My mother is staying at our house for a few days helping out while I do this. As I sit here, she is doing my laundry, cleaning my house and baking brownies. I feel like the luckiest person alive. She just brought me out a hamsald sandwich, chips and grapes! This morning before I dropped Will off at school he said, “I really like it when Grandma stays with us, it’s like having two mom’s instead of one.”
Last night Will and Mac had tables set up and they sold lemonade and snacks at the sale. After Will made his first dollar he thought he would write his name on it (because he writes his name on everything) and he used permanent marker!
Down Under
RIP Dick Clark, we will miss bringing in the New Year with you. Today the news is all about Dick Clarks passing so you may miss the news story about Greg Ham being found dead. Greg was in the band Men at Work, he was 58 years old and they have not yet determined if foul play was involved in his death.
Did you know that the singers/song writers were sued in 2007 for stealing the melody of their 80’s hit song Down Under from a girl’s campfire song written over 70 years ago? The song is called Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree. They lost the court battle in October of 2011 and were sentenced to pay 5% of royalties from 2002 forward. The statute of limitations prevented them from having to pay royalties from anything prior to that.
Sources say that Greg Ham had been upset about the ruling. But this isn’t the only drama that has occurred with the group. In 2007 Men At Work guitarist Ron Strykert was arrested for threatening to kill Men At Work singer Colin Hay. Strykert claimed Hay screwed him over on royalties. That kind of makes me wonder if he was mad at Greg Ham also. I suppose in a day or so we will know. I’m amazed at the things going on down under!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/07/men-at-work-down-under-lawsuit_n_999708.html That’s it for today, my fingers are frozen. Have a great day!
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